Rambling

I'm pretty sure this baby is not coming out without being induced. Each night I'm convinced I'm in labor--knowing there is no way I'll be able to go through the next few hours without calling the doctor and heading to the hospital. Each morning I wake up just as pregnant as I was the night before, even a little more so. It's an annoying cycle. Not really one that I would like to continue to repeat, but my instinct tells me that tonight I will be heading to the bathroom five million times wondering if I really have to go again or is my water finally breaking (Jason's finger is starting to get sore from pushing "pause" on the DVR so many times). I will then fall asleep (last night it was sitting up), and then wake up about 3am--get out of bed because I can't lay there anymore, turning on the TV, and finally falling back asleep on the couch about an hour later. I will wake up on a Saturday morning thinking "here we go again". I'm trying not to complain. I'm not so uncomfortable that I'm miserable. I'm lucky that I have good pregnancies. I'm very active, and I've received more than one look of shock when I tell people that I WAS due on Wednesday. So, I'm trying to count my blessings. At the same time, I am so darn disappointed. I don't want to be induced, but at this point, I would pay money for them to hook me up with the drip and get this thing going. I'm scared that the longer I go, the better chance I have of needing a c-section (they have already told me she's big). I want to see our daughter. I want to hold her. I want her to see her wonderful daddy and her crazy brothers. I want Kasey to wag her tail when she sees we've brought home another food source. I want to close off this chapter and start the next.

As many of you know, I'm very much a "next step" person. When I am done with something, I am more than ready to move on to the next. I desire control, and my situation right now is killing me because I have no control. She is already starting to torture me and rebel against my wishes. I know my sweet boys wouldn't have done this to me (yeah right--Landon was 11 days late, but he says he was so cozy in there--who could blame him???). I think we've already begun a true mother/daughter relationship. I bet if Daddy was carrying this baby, she would have joined our world a week ago. :) I believe I'm in trouble--big big trouble.

I guess I'll continue doing the things I do have control over. I clean my house almost daily now to try to not think about it. I've done more loads of laundry just because. I've pretty much finished my Christmas letter, and I've gotten over half of my shopping done just this week. If I didn't want her in the picture, I would probably already have the cards made and ready to send out (note: the longer she takes, the better her chances of getting axed from it). By the end of the weekend, I will probably have the inside of our house decorated for my favorite holiday. If only I didn't need to be in control...

My mother-in-law has offered to take the kids one night this weekend, and I almost cried when Jason told me that. I didn't realize how badly I needed it. She has given me a wonderful gift. Jason and I will be able to have some much needed time alone together, and I won't have to worry about my lack of parenting that has been happening the last few days. Hopefully, I will be refreshed and able to tackle the waiting game with more energy. Even if that doesn't happen, at least I get to hang with my best friend.

Ah--the ramblings of an overdue pregnant woman. Please come see us soon, baby girl Seabolt!