Papa and Grandma

My kids are blessed with wonderful grandparents. Papa and Grandma do so much for them and love them so openly. I enjoy the relationship my parents share with my children. I'm comforted knowing that if anything happened to Jason and me, my kids would be well cared for and loved as much as we love them. I have a feeling I don't say this often enough, but THANK YOU, Mom and Dad, for loving my children, for teaching them, for respecting them, for laughing with them, and for helping to shape them into good human beings.

Grandma

I had a wonderful dream last night. I dreamed I was at my Grandma's house which is a place that I hold very dear to my heart. I loved that house. I haven't been back there since it's been sold, and I don't look forward to the day I see it and can't walk in the front door. The best part of this dream was that Grandma was with me- so healthy and strong. It was like she had never died and was still with us today. I woke up feeling comforted, knowing that in a sense she is with us every day. I'm not going to pretend that Grandma was your typical grandma--spoiling with attention and gifts. My grandma couldn't do that--I am one of 35 grandchildren. She was a very practical woman, doing the best she could. She didn't tell you she loved you much, but you just knew it. I think if someone asked me today what she did, I would say she loved. That's it--she loved. I miss her. Sometimes I find that odd considering I have never lived in the same city as her, and for most of my life, we lived over 1500 miles apart. I guess I miss knowing I could email her, call her, or see her when I wanted. I suppose I'm lucky, though, I still get to see her in my dreams. Thanks for visiting, Grandma. I needed you this week.

Sleeping

This cracked me up. I came out of our bedroom, and everyone was fast asleep.

My Special Valentine Date

On Friday, Feb. 13th, I was asked to go on a date. Ah, my heart went pitter patter. As time goes on and our lives only continue to get busier, I knew these particular dates would be few. My suitor was Landon, and let me tell you, there are few things better than being asked out by your 5 year old son. On Saturday afternoon, the two of us headed out to the bowling alley for an hour or two of just "us" time. When I asked him if he was going to pay, he responded "No way. I don't have any money. You need to pay." I reminded him that Grandma had just sent him money for Valentine's Day, and he said "I can't use that money. That is for a toy." So, I got stuck with the bill, but I figured that was a small price to pay for a date with my son.

Landon--if you read this when you get older, please know that you made my day. I'll never forget the time when your idea of a perfect date would be with your Mommy. Thank you!

Just because...

I so wish this one wasn't blurry. I wanted to post it anyway because I love his expression.

Today a funeral took place at my church for a 5 year old girl. I do not personally know her family, but my heart absolutely aches for them. I can't even somewhat imagine burying one of my children. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach and brings tears to my eyes. I don't know how you get through that as a parent. How do you go on? I hope I never have to find out. Last year we received a note in Landon's folder praying for this little girl. She was undergoing surgery the next day for a brain tumor, and the teachers were asking us for our prayers. I broke into tears the minute I read it. I immediately had a talk with The Big Man, mostly asking him to be with her parents. I ask that of Him again today. If my heart if hurting for this child that I do not know, how are they managing? A child is not supposed to die.

It's hard to remember that time is precious when you go through the everyday rigorous routine. It's hard to remember that life is fragile when your kid is whining and talking back to you (see yesterday's post). It's hard to remember that our time here on earth is limited when you have three children crying at the same time. Today I took the time to kiss each of my children and hold them just a little bit longer than usual. I looked each of them in the eye and said "I love you". Today I remembered.

Where's my sick day?

Whew--I'm pooped today. I woke up not feeling too hot, and then the morning rush started soon after that. Landon threw one of his fits this morning, and I didn't handle it well which only made things worse. Even Noah has been testing me today. It's one of those days that I need someone to take care of me because I just don't feel like being the caregiver. I knew parenthood was tough, but I don't know if I realized how ungrateful the little ones w0uld be. Yes, I understand that they are too young. I get it. It just doesn't make it easier. I try to do something nice, and all I get is whining and complaining in return. Everyone says that parenthood is the most gratifying job you can have. Today, I'm not so sure I agree. On top of the kids giving me their best and me not feeling up to par, I need to get ready to have people over here on Saturday to celebrate Pops' 80th birthday. The thought of cleaning the house, doing the shopping, setting it all up, and helping with the cooking makes me a little dizzy and sick to my stomach. I think I need a sick day to rejuvenate myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. However, as a stay-at-home-parent, there are no sick days--just a lot of suck-it-up-and-get-over-it days. Maybe a trip to the gym tonight will be medicine enough.

Time to "get over myself" as I have a baby crying out to be fed. Sigh....