Keepin' it real

Over the last year, I seem to have gotten away from writing. I try to post pictures, but my words have gotten lost. The other day, I received the following message on facebook:

"Just so you know, I LOVE that you are a real mom! It is clear that you love your kids and family more than anything - AND that you are human...and need a break. :) Thanks for being real!"

That came from someone I barely know. She's a friend of a friend. Little did she know, she hit a chord with me. I haven't been real on here in so long. I lost the passion, the words, the feelings all because of how I perceived other blogs, other moms, other opinions. I started writing on this thing for my kids, my children, my babies, so when they were old enough to understand, they could catch a glimpse of why I am the mother that I am. I didn't start this to make my readers happy or feel comfortable in my world. I didn't start writing to be judged as a parent or as a person. I wrote this for my kids, and to be more honest, for me. I am who I am. I do the best that I can, and I do it for my family. Whether you agree or disagree, this is me. There will be times that my kids hate me, love me, respect me, detest me, and hopefully, think I'm the best mom ever. What I want them to take from this is why I am what I am.

I want them to understand that I love them more than anything, that I'm a strong woman, that I can be hurt very easily, that I make mistakes (way too often), that I question so many things that I do, that I question just as many things that I don't do, that I'm funny, that I need time for me--no one else, just me, that I love to dance, that sometimes the dogs make me happier than them, that there are times I'm in complete awe of my children, that I can be very tough and too cold, that I regret those times, that I think they are amazing little creatures, that I cry and need to throw temper tantrums just like they do, that their laughter makes me feel complete, and that I will always wonder why God thought I was good enough when He chose me to be their mommy.

I'm not your picture-perfect mom. I'm not even close. But what I am is someone who takes care of her family the best that she can. I love my husband, my babies, and yes, those dogs more than anything. There are times I long for a simpler life, and I won't apologize for that. Sometimes I want someone to take care of me, not just me taking care of everyone else. Sometimes, I just want.

But, what I've found that I need is for me to go back to spewing out my words. I miss them. So I apologize if it's not what you like or feel. Maybe you should stop reading now because for 2011, I'm keeping it real.