One of those moments

Last night I had one of those moments...

When I went to check in on Landon right before I went to bed (as I do every night), I looked down at his sweet face and was suddenly filled with such emotion. I looked at this child and remembered again that he was there only because of the love that Jason and I share. You know how people say your life flashes before you when you're about to die? Well, I had that same sort of experience starting with the day I met Jason and continuing on through the life of our first born--remembering Jason and I sitting in the parking lot of a party listening to CDs in my car. I remembered the cold night in Greenville, SC in our rental house when Jason asked if I would marry him (I was wearing old ugly pajamas and showing the dogs my new diamond earrings he had bought me for Xmas). I could picture the first time I saw Landon, and the way he looked at me all wrapped up in the hospital blanket. I remembered the pride in Jason's face as he looked at his first child. I remembered dropping off Landon the first day of preschool and his short-lived tears (and my not-so-short-lived ones). I remembered the first time Landon met Noah in the hospital--he just came in with my mom and said "Hi Noah" as if he saw him the day before. I remembered how this four-year-old boy comforted me when I had to tell Abby good-bye. And as I sat there looking at my sweet boy, I thought of how much he's grown and how much he'll continue to do so. Landon and I don't always get along and Lord knows he can be difficult. But last night I had one of those moments where I really, really couldn't believe that he was mine. He was there because I fell in love with a guy who still makes me smile and laugh. He was there because God thinks I can do this thing called motherhood--even when I'm not so sure.

I then went down to Noah's room and stared and stared at our little guy. Noah is the type of kid that can make you smile just by looking at him. Again, I was overwhelmed by the love that I have for this family that we have created. I tried to take in the details of his angelic face, so I could remember it during the tough times to come. I smiled as I thought of the cute things he says--"I wuv you, Mommy" and the look of admiration he sometimes gets when he looks at Landon. I smiled because once again, here was a child that will be forever proof of what my love for Jason and his love for me can create.

So, yes, I'm sure I'm a bit hormonal and emotional in this last month of pregnancy. But that's okay as far as I'm concerned. The older your children get, you sometimes lose site of why you had children. When you become a daily referee between their silly arguments, you forget that once they were babies who could do no wrong in your eyes. So, if God was handing me this unexpected moment, I took it with open arms.

Funny thing is when I went into our bedroom, Jason looked to be deep in thought. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said "Nothing. I'm just looking at the pictures of our boys." I think he was having a bit of a moment just like me.

I cannot tell you how excited I am to lay my eyes on this baby growing inside of me. Her arrival cannot come soon enough, and it has nothing to do with getting the pregnancy over with (believe it or not). It has everything to do with witnessing another miracle and completing this family that has already filled my heart with such joy.

Long live the good emotions of pregnancy!!! :)