A Wise Woman's Words

Today I heard very wise words from a dead woman.

No, I do not talk to dead people (although I think that would be very cool if I could). Jason and I attended a funeral for a friend's mother. She lost her battle with cancer at age 75. I'd met her once last summer when we stayed with John at his family's lake house. She came to celebrate the Fourth of July with us, and I knew I liked her even though my time with her was brief. Today I realized that I wish I would have known her better. Although many friends stood and confirmed that she was a special woman, one letter alone told me that she was a wise woman. Her sister gave a eulogy that included a letter that Mrs. Warwick (the woman whose life we were celebrating) had written over 35 years ago. The letter was offering advice to a sister who had just become a mother for the first time. I cried when she read this. It hit home to this mother who has three young children. It meant a lot to this mother who struggles with the feelings of motherhood on almost a daily basis. It made this mother a little stronger to get through these tough first years. I would love a copy of that letter but felt it would be a little disrespectful to ask the woman who had just lost her sister to take that piece of paper to the copy machine for me. :) So, I will do my best in paraphasing what I heard today.

• Your kids may not be the first to do something, may not be the best in school, may not be just what you wanted, but celebrate what they are good at.
• Your child may be the first, may be the best, may be all you dreamed of. Don't let your head swell.
• No matter what you do as a mother, you will feel guilty. Push that aside and press on. PUSH THAT ASIDE AND PRESS ON. *This is something I struggle with often. I feel as if I'm never good enough for my kids and am sure I am scarring them for life. When I heard this today, I felt like she was talking directly to me. I will learn to push that guilt aside and press on.*
• Everything you do will not be the right thing, but you are doing your best. Don't beat yourself up and enjoy this time. It goes too fast. *Another thing I struggle with.*

There was so much more to the letter, but my memory escapes me now. The sweetness (but truthfulness) of an older sister's words to her younger sister was amazing. It struck me that the words of a mother 35 years ago still apply today--just as they did 100 years ago, 50 years ago, 10 years ago, one year ago. No one can prepare you for the feelings and emotions you will feel as a mother, but sometimes, a wise woman's advice can get you through those times when you aren't sure that you will make it. Her written letter reminded me that I'm not alone in this journey.

I will leave you with a story that they told me after the funeral that again confirmed I missed out on knowing a special person.

Someone had come up to Mrs. Warwick at her place of work and brought up the fact that she must be so proud of herself because both of her sons have been on the dean's list several times. She said to them "I can't take credit for their accomplishments, and I won't take the blame when they mess up".

Rest in peace, Mrs. Warwick. Thank you for making this mom feel more comfortable in her role.